I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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