My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize