I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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