You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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