We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
