it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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