Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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