would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
