Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
