as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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