Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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