a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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