if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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