Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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