R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
