Pappa wants mamma naked
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
