Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
