Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
