There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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