Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
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I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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