I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
