dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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