I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
