Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
