i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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