smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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