i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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