Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
