Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
