dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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