i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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