I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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