the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
