they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
