they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
