I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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