1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it's like iHOP with fire
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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