i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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