Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My cat gives me a boner
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
