Whatcha textin bout Willis?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
