So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
