I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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