I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
