My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
