we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you will always have a special place in my vag
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
