So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
