Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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