Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
