this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
