yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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