sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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