My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
