i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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