saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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