There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
