I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
