i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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