I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
