no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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