i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
