Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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