no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
