Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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