would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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