Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
