Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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