dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
