At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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