Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Randomize
