MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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