hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
