last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
